Ability Forum

Jrober37 · Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: Humor

The best thing about Alziheimer's Disease is that you always get to meet new people. Unless you're Irish - then you forget everything except the grudges.

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Unnimaxx · Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:27 pm Post subject: M/F?

This one is just too good and so true. All girls would  agree.

A SPANISH teacher was explaining to her class that

in Spanish, unlike English,  nouns are designated as
either

masculine or  feminine.

   House' for  instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

   'Pencil,'  however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

   A student asked, 'What gender  is 'computer'?'

Instead of  giving the answer, the teacher split the

class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to

decide for themselves whether 'computer'

should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each  group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer'

should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la

computadora'), because:

   1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

   2. The native language they use to communicate with

   other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

   3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term

   memory for possible later retrieval; and

   4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find

   yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


   THIS GETS BETTER!

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'),

because:


   1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

   2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but
     half the time they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if

  you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a  better model.


   The women won..........

Unnimaxx · Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject:

The Living Statues

Two statues
stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each
other for many years.

Early one
morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of
you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am
giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30
minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that
command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran
toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled
to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and
twigs snapping.

After fifteen
minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the
angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen
minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue
looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the
female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll
crap on its head!"

Unnimaxx · Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:34 pm Post subject:

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all You want. God is watching the apples!"

Unnimaxx · Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:35 pm Post subject:

Girl:

Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..
How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl: That ' s good, Give me 12 of them..!

srividyaa · Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 8:03 pm Post subject:

Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question:What is the fullform of MATHS. ?
Anwser: Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students
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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

Unnimaxx · Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:29 am Post subject:

Alcohol may not be the answer to all the questions....
- Swami Vivekananda

But alcohol helps u to forget the entire question itself ......
- Vijay Mallya

Unnimaxx · Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject:

How do you build a bridge between age 12 and age 40?

By remembering!!!

Unnimaxx · Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:08 pm Post subject:

What's Students Study in Pakistan?????????????????????????????
(Careers in PAKISTAN)

BE—Bomb Engineering

M.B.B.S.--Member of Bomb Blasting Society

IIT--Islamic Institute of Terrorism

CAT—Career in Alqueda & Taliban

M.Tech –Masters in Terror Technology

LLB –Learning Licence of Bomb Blasting

B.Sc. –Bio-Weapon Science

AIIMS—All International Islamic Members Society

BA—Bomb Analyst

B.D.S.—Bomb Development Society

Unnimaxx · Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:44 pm Post subject:

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The Pakistani guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, ‘We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.’

Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.

‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about...I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’. Hehehehe.. Smile

Unnimaxx · Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:44 pm Post subject:

Kid :
Mom wat is sex?

Mom gets tensed but explains all to him.

Kid:
But Mom how do i write all that in this small box of the school application form?.....

Unnimaxx · Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:44 pm Post subject:

Dad to his 12 year old Son :-

Dad : Who is your Role Model ?
Son : Gandhiji
Dad : Great!!! Why ?
Son : He got married at the age of 13.
Dad : ?!?!

Unnimaxx · Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:46 pm Post subject:

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No

Lacchu · Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 11:46 am Post subject:

Q - In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and the water level of
the pond increases. How?

A - The other 9 fish are crying.................

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Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) : Phulwa, RaamPyaari,
RaamDulari,RaamPuri and RaamChuri were crawling on the wall when
all of a sudden, Phulwa started to sing a song. The moment Phulwa
stopped singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri and RaamChuri
fell down from the wall !!!... WHY ???

scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . ..
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coz, they all started clapping !!!!

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A railway station beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"

*****************************-*************************
Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each
other and want to get married, but cannot.
Why?

Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal.

REMEMBER...
The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord, can stand up to anything.

_________________
------------------------
Cheers
Lakshmi Natarajan

Unnimaxx · Posted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:04 am Post subject:

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."